You just have to trust

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My cancer was picked up through a routine mammogram screening.  It is lobular cancer which doesn’t usually present as a lump.  The nurse told me that I could not have detected it myself.  I had no symptoms, nothing to show that I had cancer.  I had to trust that the scans and biopsies were right.

Based on this trust I had surgery.  I went into that surgery feeling completely well and healthy (even though I had been told that I wasn’t).  Post surgery I felt the usual post operative discomfort but that passed, again I had to trust the scientists who advised my doctor that the cancer was in the lymph nodes, so again, more surgery. Again, post surgery discomfort, but recovery was quicker than I expected.  A scan revealed that the cancer had spread.  Again I had no specific symptoms to match easily to the areas where the cancer had been detected.  I have to trust the doctors and specialists who have interpreted my scan.

Even now the symptoms I have are all related to the surgery and drugs I am on, the cancer still hasn’t shown itself to me.  Let’s hope that it doesn’t and that the treatment works.

My life has changed beyond recognition, I’ve had surgery, I am on drugs that have significant and unpleasant side effects and I am facing an uncertain future.  All of this is based on trust, trust that the doctors, scientist and specialists have got it right.

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