Since my diagnosis early mornings have been my loneliest times.
I had read from someone else with a cancer diagnosis that there is a fraction of a second when you wake up before you remember what is wrong with you and then the reality comes crashing in. Usually my family are still asleep and I’m alone with my thoughts, is that ache or pain linked to my diagnosis or is that just age? How do I get up and face another day? Some days I have had to get up and face things that I really didn’t want to, but I did get up and I did face them and I’m still here, it hasn’t broken me yet.
What I have realised is that whilst I can’t change some of the things I have had to experience and some things yet to come, what I can do is choose the way I view them and think about them. So I have a full day ahead, how will I choose to face it? What do I focus on, the bad stuff or the good stuff?
I vividly remember after my second lot of surgery waking up very early, the nurse had come in to take routine observations and I asked her if she could open the blind on the window, I watched the sunrise behind a tree just turning green with new leaves and heard the birds start to sing, it really was beautiful – and I was still here to experience it.